I Miss My Feet

That’s right, I’m gettin’ physical.  I have established a workout schedule and routine, and I am totally sticking to it. 

One thing I have learned about myself in this process is that I am truly an all or nothing personality.  If I’m going to do it, I’m really going to do it, and if I’m not, I’m really, REALLY not.  That’s part of why exercise took so long to be a part of my life.  I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything. So, I just decided to go into the gym and I’ll figure it out eventually. 

So, I’m currently doing this every other day –

Fighting with my earbuds (warm-up)

20 minutes in the Total Body Crosstrainer on the Crosstrain 2 (hilly as hell) setting, level 3 resistance.

3 reps of 10 on biceps, triceps, shoulder press, lower back…other shoulder stuff, and abs. Weights ranging from 10-40.  Trying to keep the low weight/high rep thing going.

Fighting the urge to cry (usually one rep on the shoulder press)

10 ab solos

I have already seen some results as far as body shape and the fact that I have calves (!), so it’s good as a beginner routine.  I feel like as I lose more weight I can maybe be more targeted in my approach.  I notice that other people use the fancy DIY machines or free weights instead of the targeted machines that I’ve been using, so I wonder if I will eventually move on from those.  I haven’t taken any classes yet, but that may be the next step - classes and running with my dog on the days in between the gym. 

I don’t really mind going, and I actually hate to miss it.  I had an unexpectedly early work shift on a Saturday morning and the rest of the day was full, so I actually got up at 6freaking30 am to go the gym so I’d stay on track.  Of course, I found out when I arrived that they gym didn’t open until 8, but that’s neither here or there.  I was proud of me, dammit. 

Here’s hoping that I keep it going so I can wear some cute summer dresses to show off my new calves J

“All the leaves are brown, (all the leaves are brooooowwwwn), and the sky is gray, (and the sky is graaaayyyyyyy)…”  Yes, I am back from California, land of sunshiney goodness, and in Ohio, land that the groundhog betrayed mightily.  Spring has not sprung, and it has made re-entry pretty darn difficult.

Seriously, it was like watching The Wizard of Oz in reverse.  It was all lush greenery, bright, exotic architecture, sunny beaches, and Technicolor sunsets.  My ride home from the airport, however, went like this - gray sky, white house, dead field, bare branches, gray sky, white house, cow, dead field, bare branches, lather, rinse, repeat.  Mother of pearl, it was depressing.  But, I do lovelovelove Ohio in the fall, so I’m gonna go ahead and say that’s enough *whimpers*. 

Anyway, the Four Hour Body way o’ life that I’ve been living – how did it hold up on vacation?  Answer – Spectacularly! …for the first day.  Then it pretty well went downhill from there.  There’s only so much you can do on vacation, really.  You have to give yourself some permission to have fun.  I didn’t go on a white bread and potato binge, but I did have a little toast with my eggs, some sugar in my coffee, some dessert, and some yummy sake.  I also had fresh sushi, salmon, pork with two sides of veg and no rice, and other good things.  I also cheated with things like no sugar added trail mix and fresh fruit - cheating by the 4HB standard, but not really bad. 

End result – I kind of did “good” cheats the rest of the week into my cheat day and ended up gaining four pounds in a week and a half.  I’m back on the 4HB wagon and the weight is already off.  Score.

Now, for the other news – I totes got to the gym.  Yeah!  I’m going to post my workouts here because I’ve yet to find an app that I like that tracks this stuff easily.  And this blog has taught me that tracking progress is super important to help you learn from your mistakes.  So, day one –

3/19, 10PM, 1 hour workout

15 minutes crosstrain on elliptical (mostly legs, maybe a minute with arms)

All machines in the ladies area (tee hee) except for the dead lift thing (not sure how to tackle that one), 3 sets of 10 on the 3 setting (30 pounds?)

8 minutes back on elliptical on low setting (was supposed to be 5 minutes but I had to finish out The Perfect Drug by Nine Inch Nails, then Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground came on and it was a great cool down song.  Music, you are magic when you manage to keep me on the elliptical.  Thanks, music). 

• Bring a change of gym socks.  Especially when you’re wearing knee-high red and black stripey Jack Skellington socks.  That gets sweaty.  Bright side - when you wear your calf length yoga pants, everyone gets to see those bad boys and all their glory.  They can hate, I know it comes from a jealous place. 
• Find someone who can tell me how to use the deadlift thing, and if I’m doing the ab thing right (because I’m pretty sure that’s not the case).
• Make a workout playlist.  My cousin’s “Leg-Warming 80’s Jams” playlist on Spotify worked for a bit, then my High School playlist worked (thus the NIN and Marcy Playground), but I need something tailored for this. 
• The playlist has to include Cult of Personality by Living Color.  Because it does.

I have not decided how much I’m going to go yet.  I figure I’d try at least two times a week to start.  I’m doing low weight and high reps, hoping that will help with the toning issues after losing so much weight so fast.

Stay tuned to see if this new chapter will give me even more results.  Or at least making me feel like I’m not paying $20 a month shame tax to my gym.     

So much to catch up on, but, first things first…

My weight starts with a 1 for the first time since the Clinton Administration (the early years).  That’s right, kids.  I stepped on a device that used to mock me when I dared set my heft upon it, and instead of ridicule, I got some love.  It was full on double rainbow, angels singing on high, Jimi Hendrix playing the opening riff of Foxy Lady just for me…

It was glorious.

For a career plus-sized girl, this is monumental.  Not gonna lie, I teared up a little. It was a long road here, and although I’m not done, I’m enjoying it as much as possible. 

Another victory I’m proud of – I’ve been going through a tough time personally.  Life has knocked me down pretty good.  Instead of going back to finding my emotional comfort in food (like I was certain I would), I have stuck to this new way of eating.  In fact, I’m so grateful for it.  If you go back and read my first post, you will see that I was feeling awful inside and out.  So out of shape, in pain, depressed.  I thank God every day that I didn’t have to go through what I’m going through while feeling that way to start.  I really don’t think I could have weathered this storm, I honestly don’t.  This has become about so much more than losing weight, more than I ever could have guessed when I started this thing 7 months ago. 

Now, on to the next challenge.  I’m going to LA this week.  My first stint travelling while on the diet was to Orlando on business a month ago, and success was limited (there was sauce on every damn thing they served at that conference, seriously).  But, I did as well as I could.  This time, I’m travelling for pleasure, and the cheating will be considerable.  Mind you, I can’t just revert to my devil-may-care-carbs-on-a-bun-with-sugar-on-top ways of old.  I will be too sick by day two to have any fun.  But, it’s California, so I feel you can’t throw a hackey sack without hitting some salmon on a bed of kale and some diced avocado.  As long as I seek some of those out before cocktail hour, I should be pretty good. 

By the way, have I mentioned that I still haven’t stuck to a real exercise program?  Someone motivate my lazy ass, please!  Or I could just google some sweet retro leopard curve-huggin’ swimsuits and allow myself to purchase only after I have earned it in the gym.  That might work. 

Anyway, keep on truckin’, and I’ll do the same.  

Whelp, I’m stuck.  Like Winnie the Pooh’s head in a honey pot.  Stuck.

Like the sage sirens of old once foretold, “Everybody’s Workin’ for the Weekend”, and it seems that I am no different.  I’m working to take the cheat day weight off. That’s it.  I gain a few pounds on cheat day, and it stubbornly comes off ounces at a time until I’m right back where I started.  Second (third, fourth) verse same as the first.  Initially, this was perplexing to me.  After the holidays, or “Carb Your Face Off 2012”, I got back on the wagon pretty quickly.  So what was the deal?

And then it hit me. 

You see, I’m not eating pizza, bread, rice, potatoes, sugar, none of the bad stuff.  I am eating salmon, salad, black beans, kale, all the good stuff. 

And science.

Science, you say?  Yes, science! (I did my best Thomas Dolby impression, there.  It was awesome).  I did not stick with the “one diet soda a day” thing during “Carb Your Face Off 2012” and got used to that caffeinated Coke Zero dessert-in-a-can high.  I couldn’t let it go.  As a result, what else suffered?  My water intake.  Coke Zero ate it.  No room.  Who has time for water when there’s Coke Zero?  Who wants to see Johnny Mathis when Zeppelin is playing?  Who wants to wear beige when there’s leopard print?  I may have lost you there, but the answer is not me.  No apologies to beige.

This, combined with my one carb-conscious power bar a day meant that along with good foods from the earth and sea, I was consuming lab food.  And to be honest, still am.  I know, I’m weaning off of it, but it’s crazy what a habit it’s become.  Especially with no sugar or fruit, I look forward to it.  As far as my brain is concerned, Coke Zero is made of smiles.

What’s sad about this is that I’m on the precipice of greatness.  I’m within a stone’s throw of having a one instead of a two as the first number of my weight.  Oh yeah, this is an amazing moment in a career fat girl’s life, and I’m thisclose. It happened for about five minutes several years ago, and before that it was probably middle school.  I need this to happen, but I’m sabotaging myself every day. And it’s not even the good kind of cheating. 

I feel so dirty.

So, wish me luck on my new venture of cleaner eating.  I’ll keep in touch (trust me, if I hit that milestone, you’ll hear about it.  And so will my neighbors.  And strangers on the street.  And my middle school gym teacher.  Bet I can climb the ropes now!  Probably…)

Cheers!  *clinks water glass* 

So I’m five months in, lost 40 pounds - woo hoo!  Then put seven back on - booooo!

Oh yeah, I ho ho hoovered my way through the holidays.  I’ll admit, at first it was nice - I was free to sample anything at parties rather than stand over the veggie tray, I could pour a bowl of cereal and not have to cook salmon, I could hit a drive through and not hope I remembered to pack a power bar or go hungry.  It was great. 

Then came the bloated feeling, the sugar crashes, the afternoon sluggishness, the craving bad food even though I just ate an hour before.  Then came the shame of knowing I’d put on weight, then came the depression.  That’s right, freedom gave way to shackles of my own making (we’re gettin’ deep up in here!).  

Even knowing how bad I felt, I still had a goodbye meal to carbs last night with a burger and fries from Steak n Shake.  What can I say, it’s an abusive relationship that I can’t quite kick completely.  Just call me Rhianna. 

So, here I am, drinking water, had a carb-conscious power bar and microwave meal of Indian Chicken and Spinach (no rice, no naan).  I know fresh is better, but I’m easing my way back in with a little convenience.  No diet soda.  No cookies.  Just lean protein, veggies, and legumes until Saturdays.  I forgot how good cheating feels when it’s relegated to just one day a week.  

I guess that’s the thing I really learned here.  That I was on the right track.  I went three weeks without really watching what I eat, and I went right for comfort in food form, and realized there is no comfort for me there anymore.  My comfort is in accomplishment, and I’m making my way back there now.  

“The more you knooooooow” *ping* :)  

It’s been a while, kids, but I wanted to check in and let you know that things are good.  Very good.  30 pound weight off my everything good. 

I’ve been mostly compliant with the diet with the help of some carb-conscious bars from GNC.  I stalled a little when I was mostly eating a bar a day and a compliant meal while I was moving into my new place - I was working off calories that I wasn’t eating.  My body said, “Whoa, nelly!  Let’s hold on to some fat!” Once I began eating more actual food at least 3 times a day, the weight was coming off again. 

I’m having a blast, right now.  My pants were basically falling off of me, but those jeans in the back of the closet?  Totally got them on, buttoned AND can wear them out of the house.  Yeah, I thought that fitting into your skinny jeans was just some urban legend up there with alligators in the sewers and “the call is coming from inside the house!”.  No, it’s real, dude.  

People are stopping me in the hall at work and telling me I look great.  There’s a biggest loser contest at work and I’m currently in second place (I keep trying to sugarbomb the girl currently in first place by putting cookies on her desk - so far with no success).  Best of all, I was finally able to ride a roller coaster with my little brother that I was previously too fat to ride.  I won’t remember all the pizza, bread, and sweets I passed up, but I will remember that ride for the rest of my life.  

If you are stalled, try again - it’s a new week.  You’ll be glad you stuck with it.  I know I am.  

P.S. I am not done.  I am still 60 pounds from my goal weight.  Game on!

another inch off my waist.  

Starting exercise routine (finally) tomorrow.  Will update whether or not I survived tomorrow. 

FYI - feeling amazing.  No afternoon slump where I run out of steam.  Clothes are fitting better, no more migraines.  Do I enjoy eating?  Not really.  But I’ve enjoyed it enough over a life of bad food habits to be okay with that. I let my taste buds throw a rave on cheat day and treat the rest of the week as a school night.  If that’s what it takes to be healthy, I’ll take it.